


Look at Where We Are, Look a Where We Started

by JetGirl1832, tomatopudding



Category: In the Heights - Miranda, Rent - Larson
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Crossover, Drama, East Village, F/M, Friendship, Gen, washington heights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 22:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9291503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetGirl1832/pseuds/JetGirl1832, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatopudding/pseuds/tomatopudding
Summary: Playing with the "what if Benjamin Coffin III and Benny are the same person" and going through Benny's life.





	

Benny had never imagined that his life would turn out this way. Yet here he was, not wealthy but certainly well-off, divorced, and watching yet another of his friends being lowered into the ground.

He was only thirty six and over the last ten years alone he'd lost three friends, how could this be happening? When he was younger he never would have imagined his life turning out like this.

\-----------

1984-Summer

“Benny I don’t think this is a good idea..” Usnavi wrung his hands nervously as Benny knelt by the fire hydrant.

“Come on Usnavi,” Benny laughed as he fiddled with the wrench, “nothing bad’s gonna happen other than we’ll cool off this block.”

“But Benny,” Usnavi sighed, “what if we get in trouble?”

“You’re fast aren’t you?” Benny asked, a wide grin on his face as he began to laugh at the panicked look on Usnavi’s face, “I’m just kidding.”

Usnavi let out a huff, “I don’t want Abuela to scold me.”

“She won’t, we’ll be fine.”

Usnavi grumbled something in Spanish and Benny elbowed him affectionately. 

"Don't insult me."

"I wasn't," insisted Usnavi, his eyes widening the way they only did when he was blatantly lying.

"Yeah, sure," Benny snorted as he started working at the hydrant and Usnavi kept looking around nervously.

Finally, with one final twist and tug, Benny managed to loosen the hydrant enough to let out a gush of water. He whooped in triumph, instantly soaked from head to toe.

"Benny!" Usnavi gasped as the water drenched his shoes and continued to pour out onto the street.

Benny just laughed and threw a wet arm around Usnavi's shoulders, pulling his friend in for a sideways hug. 

"Ay!" Usnavi complained, attempting to push him away, "You're getting me wet!"

"That's the point!" Benny grinned as he ruffled Usnavi's hair, "Doesn't it feel great?"

"Idiota," Usnavi said, but there was amusement in his tone and he allowed Benny to bring him closer. 

"Hey, I understood that!"

The sound of the deluge had floated through the doors and windows of the houses along the street that were opened in an attempt to coax a soothing breeze. Kids soon began emerging from those houses, shouting excitedly to each other in a combination of languages laced with laughter as they rushed over the to spewing hydrant.

"See it's fun!" Benny pointed at the laughing kids, "And you're gonna have fun too!" he shoved Usnavi in front of the spray of water causing his friend to yelp as he became drenched, his clothes now hanging off his skinny frame

"Dude," Usnavi complained, clumps of hair sticking to his forehead slowly dropping water down his nose. 

"It's a good look," said Benny, "the girls will love it. Especially Vanessa."

"Dude!" Usnavi said again, his cheeks tinging pink. 

Benny was about to push further when the sirens began sounding in the distance and the kids who had come out to play in the water scattered back to their homes.

"You said you were fast, right?" Benny turned to Usnavi, "'Cause we've gotta run."

Benny set off, but after taking only a few strides he realized that Usnavi seemed stuck to the spot. Rolling his eyes, he doubled back and grabbed Usnavi's elbow to pull him along. 

"Move it!" Benny urged and they both began to run in earnest, the sounds of the sirens getting louder.

Usnavi struggled to keep up as Benny dragged him down to the street, his shoes squeaking with every step. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"I'll figure that out when we get there," Benny hollered.

"Great plan," Usnavi snarked. 

Benny didn't dignify that with a response, taking the next corner swiftly. For a moment, he didn't recognize the area and then he remembered. 

"This way," Benny commanded, half-pulling Usnavi down the road. 

"The taxi dispatch?" Usnavi asked incredulously, panting, "No way is Mr. Rosario going to let us in. He hates you."

"He does not hate me," scoffed Benny, which wasn't strictly true.

"Uh huh-"

Benny ignored him as he rapped on the window loudly, "Mr. Rosario! Mr. Rosario!"

Benny tapped on the glass again until Mr. Rosario's face appeared in the window and in the back were Nina, who just so happened to be accompanied by Vanessa. Usnavi's face grew red with embarrassment.

"Yes?" Mr. Rosario said, raising an eyebrow. 

"Hello sir," said Benny, giving a guileless grin, "Could we come inside please? We need to talk to Vanessa about something for school and her mama said she'd be here."

It was completely obvious by the state of their clothes and the large wrench still clutched in Benny's fist that this was a total lie. Mr. Rosario knew it and both boys knew that he did. It really shouldn't have worked, but the man noted the distant sound of sirens, gave a small sigh, and nodded. 

Benny and Usnavi dashed inside, "Don't drip on the carpets, I'll see if Cami can find something for you to wear while your clothes dry off," Mr. Rosario sighed and walked away.

Vanessa was the first to step forward both girls giggling, "What were you doing?"

"Just trying to cool off a bit," Usnavi said, puffing or his chest with false bravado despite the lingering flush in his cheeks. 

"Yeah?" Vanessa laughed, "Big strong man, did you crack open the fire hydrant?"

Usnavi deflated somewhat. "That was Benny," he admitted. 

Nina, half hiding behind Vanessa, looked at Benny in awe.

Vanessa shook her head, "And he just dragged you along for the ride?"

"Pretty much," The blush returned to Usnavi's cheeks as he spoke quietly.

Usnavi then looked to Nina, "Your Papa won't tell Abuela, will he?"

Nina shrugged, "No lo sé."

At that Usnavi grew very pale and nervous, he loved Abuela but he was never the type to get in trouble.

"Alright you two. Here," Mr. Rosario returned with some of his clothes, "put these on and I'll take your things up to Cami."

"Thanks Mr. Rosario," the boys chorused. 

"Race you the bathroom!" Benny added. 

He purposefully slowed his stride to let Usnavi win and chuckled when the door to the bathroom closed in his face. 

 

Once the boys were in dry clothes they rejoined Nina and Vanessa.

"That's a good look on you," Vanessa grinned noticing the overlong shirt Usnavi wore.

"I'll grow into it," Usnavi replied. 

"You won't," laughed Benny, "you'll stay tiny forever."

 

"Will not!" Usnavi pouted.

"Shrimp," Benny teased.

"Don't be an ass, Benjamin," Vanessa scolded, but she was grinning. 

"That's a bad word," said Nina, then clapped her hands over her mouth, obviously embarrassed for making such a childish comment in front of seventh graders. A seventh grader was practically an adult to a fifth grader. 

"You're right," Benny told her solemnly, "You shouldn't say bad words, Nessa."

"Whatever," Vanessa rolled her eyes.

"Whatever would Mr. Rosario think of you saying those things in front of Nina?" Benny smirked.

"You are such a child," scoffed Vanessa, "Besides, Nina won't tell. Right, cariño?"

Nina shook her head.

\------------

1988-Autumn

Benny had been on the job search for weeks with next to nothing to show for it, his patience was beginning to wear thin and he was running out of ideas.

He was a junior in high school, he got moderately good grades, and he was good with people, but most places couldn't seem to get past the color of his skin. It was nearly the 90s, segregation was long past, but Benny could tell by the way they looked him up and down and the look on their faces that they saw what they wanted to see in him: delinquency, untrustworthiness. Sometimes Benny envied Usnavi, who had dropped out the year before to run the bodega and to help Abuela Claudia support his cousin Sonny.

And he knew if he could Usnavi would have let him come aboard as well, but he was just barely making ends meet as it was.

Benny grumbled and let out a sigh as he walked down the street, there had to be somewhere he hadn't tried.

He kicked at a small rock and flew through the air, knocking against the front door of a nearby house. The door opened and a frowning face peeked out. 

"Ay! Stop tha-Benny? What're you doing?"

"Sorry, Mr. Rosario," Benny called out, "Accident."

"It's the middle of the day," Mr. Rosario told him, "Why aren't you at school."

"I took the day off," admitted Benny slightly sheepishly, "I've been looking for a job and a lotta places won't even accept applications on the weekend for some reason."

Mr. Rosario stepped outside and shut the door, "It's tough finding your first job," he nodded.

"No kidding," Benny grumbled, "I can hardly get anyone to talk to me let alone give me an application."

Mr. Rosario hummed, scrutinizing Benny for several long moments. 

"You know, I used to let you hide from the police after every time you broke a hydrant," Mr. Rosario said. 

Benny frowned, confused at the sudden change in topic, "I suppose so. But I don't do that anymore, haven't since last year."

At that Mr. Rosario chuckled lightly, "That's true."

"What's that gotta do with me finding a job?" Benny raised his brow.

"The way I see it," Mr. Rosario said, "you owe me and I know exactly how you're going to pay me back. You'll work in the dispatch booth, I'll show you the ropes. When you get your drivers license we'll talk about you having a cab."

"Really?" Benny breathed, suddenly standing up straighter. 

"Yes," Mr. Rosario confirmed, "Running a taxi dispatch isn't a joke. You would be in charge of letting all the taxi drivers know where the heavy traffic is and what routes to avoid. You'll have to be fast and there will be no funny business. ¿Comprendes?"

"Yes sir," Benny nodded seriously.

"Then you will start tomorrow after school," Mr. Rosario replied.

"Yes sir," Benny nodded seriously.

"Then you will start tomorrow after school," Mr. Rosario replied.

\----------

1993-Summer

Well this had been a surprise, Benny thought as the door to the dispatch shut. Of course he knew that Nina would return but he hadn't expected to see her today... When had she arrived? 

It had to have been recently, she had the air of someone who had just spent some time traveling, and yet she still looked radiant. Their less-than-subtle flirtation had been going on for some time and Benny had stupidly thought that his feelings might have diminished while Nina was away doing the things he sometimes wished he had the courage to do.

He had been wrong, this moment proved that. He was beginning to feel sorry about all the times he made fun of Usnavi about Vanessa, because he was clearly in the same boat.

But at least he wasn't reduced to stuttering and handing out free drinks, Benny thought to himself, just showing off his dispatch skills and the speed with which he read and interpreted the ever changing traffic maps. 

 

"So how was Stanford?" Benny asked.

"Good," Nina replied twisting a lock of hair around her finger.

Benny wanted to say something, but he didn't know what. Besides what would happen if he just blurted it all out? Maybe she had a boyfriend back in California? For all he knew she could.

"Studying hard?" Benny asked, then winced, "Sorry, that was such a dad thing to say."

Nina giggled, "You've been spending too much time around mine."

"It's not so bad," Benny replied, "I mean it's been five years now."

"Five years," Nina said thoughtfully, "Long time."

"Yeah," agreed Benny. 

A long silence prevailed. 

"Well," Nina said finally, "I should go. Mom wanted me for something."

"Hey," Benny said to Nina's retreating back. 

She turned. "Yes?"

"Did you want to maybe come out to the club tomorrow night?" Benny asked before he could lose his nerve, "It's been so hot lately, they're doing some kind of deal on drinks. I mean, if you want to come, that is."

Nina bit her lip as she thought it over for a moment, "Sure," she replied as she began to smile, "See you around?"

 

"Yeah," Benny said, smiling back, "See you around."

\----------

1993-Late Summer

"When do you leave?" Benny asked for what was probably at least the hundredth time, his thumb brushing gently across Nina's knuckles. 

Nina shifted to lace their fingers together. "The day after tomorrow."

Benny sighed, he really was dreading Nina's departure.

It was obvious that Nina could sense this, "I'll be back for break," she added, "it won't be so bad."

"I'm going to count the days till you return," Benny smiled.

"You're sweet," Nina chuckled, going up slightly on her toes to press a soft kiss to his cheek. 

Benny pulled her into a kiss, just a chaste press of lips but still intimate. He could smell her shampoo and the light perfume she wore and vowed to remember that combination of scents.

"You'll call right?" Benny asked when they broke apart.

"Of course," Nina nodded, "there is a phone in the hall."

"Every week?"

"Every day if you want," Nina smiled.

"Every hour," Benny countered teasingly, placing another kiss on her lips. 

"Who needs to go to class?" Nina said, shaking her head fondly.

"Not you," Benny teased, "you're too smart for that."

"Oh, get a room you two."

The two turned to see Vanessa sashaying over. 

"Yeah, man," agreed Usnavi from his place at Vanessa's side, "a public street is no place for this level of sweet."

"Uh huh," Benny raised his brow, "like you two can really judge us."

Usnavi began to blush at Benny's comment.

"Alright, children, that's enough of that," Vanessa chided, "Sorry Benny, but we've come to crash the Nina party. You're not the only one who's gonna miss her."

"I'm glad to know I'm loved," Nina smiled and went to hug Vanessa.

\----------

1994-Late Autumn

Benny had it all figured out, day in and out he had it all planned to a "T". Get up, stop at Usnavi's bodega, go to work, and every night he would call Nina and they would talk for as long as they could, which was hard with the other girls vying for the use of the dorm phone.

The weekends were slightly more nebulous because he had them off and because Nina went out with friends and there were more girls trying to call home. On those days, Benny would swing by the bodega and spend time with his feet up on the counter no matter how many times Usnavi shoved them off.

"Will you stop?!" Usnavi gave Benny's feet a shove, "I have to wipe down every time you do that!" he frowned.

"A little extra work is good for you," Benny said blithely, putting his feet back up when Usnavi's back was turned. 

"I'll show you extra work," Usnavi grumbled, "cabron."

Usnavi grabbed the bottle of cleaner and a rag where he purposely sprayed down Benny's shoes as he wiped the top down yet again.

"Hey!" Benny exclaimed as Usnavi smirked.

"Dirty things should be cleaned," Usnavi sing-songed. 

"Then maybe you should clean that smudge off of your face," Benny shot back, running his fingers around his own mouth.

"What?" Usnavi jumped back.

"Just there," Benny reached out to point.

It took Usnavi an embarrassingly long moment to realize that Benny was referring to his goatee and his expression melted into a scowl, although there wasn't really any heat behind it. 

"Funny," Usnavi said dryly, "What a comedian."

"I could be," Benny leaned back.

"Yeah, yeah don't quit your day job," Usnavi muttered.

Benny grinned, then glance at his watch and abruptly pulled his feet off of the counter. 

"Gotta go," Benny said. 

"Calling Nina?" Usnavi asked, with only the slightest amount of teasing in his voice. 

"We haven't spoken for a bit," added Benny distractedly. 

Okay, so maybe the whole routine thing had worked for the first month and a half, but over the last few weeks things hadn't been quite as on schedule.

"I find that hard to believe," Usnavi replied.

"Life happens," Benny muttered, "and you better finish cleaning soon, don't want to keep Vanessa waiting-"

"I would be done if you didn't put your feet on the counter!" Usnavi hollered as Benny left.

Benny chuckled, sticking his hands in his pockets against the chill of the impending autumn as he walked towards home where the phone was waiting for him. 

 

He waited for a moment before it rang and grabbed it immediately, "Nina?"

"What's with the question?" Nina asked, "you don't have another long distance relationship with someone else, do you?"

"It's good to hear your voice," Benny breathed, closing his eyes. 

"You too," Nina told him, her tone softening.

For a moment Benny just listened to Nina's gentle breathing. 

"So how are things.... at home?" Nina asked.

 

"The same," said Benny slightly ruefully, "I work, I eat, I sleep, I bug Usnavi."

Nina chuckled, "That sounds about right."

 

“Life in the barrio in a nutshell.” Benny smiled. 

Benny paused again, "So how are classes? Remind me what are you taking this semester?"

"Now that I'm a sophomore I get to actually start taking Econ classes," Nina said excitedly. 

After the trouble he knew that she'd had in the previous year, it was nice to hear Nina so excited. Benny leaned back and allowed her voice to wash over him, a small smile on his face.

 

\----------

1995-Spring Break

Spring break, that meant for about a week and a half Nina was home, for a little while they could be together.Things had been a little strained lately, their phone calls few and far between. When the calls did happen, they were rather short.

Where Benny had been excited he was now wary, and uncertain, something was wrong and he didn't know how to broach the subject.The excitement in barrio for Nina's return was palpable, as it had been every single time, so Benny didn't even feel like he could talk to Vanessa or Usnavi about his misgivings.

All he could do was wait until he got a chance to see her, to pry her away from her parents and all the other prying eyes.

This was proving to be harder than he thought, because of such a short break Nina seemed to be constantly surrounded. Benny could never get her alone. And honestly, he couldn't help but wonder if part of it was purposeful. Nina seemed to be avoiding his gaze, her eyes skipping over him as if he weren't there. It was that more than anything else that convinced Benny something was seriously wrong.

When he finally had the chance to catch her after dinner with her parents, he took it. Benny needed answers, they couldn't continue like this.

"What's going on?" Benny asked, searching her features for some kind of clue. 

Nina didn't reply, her gaze averted. 

"Hey," said Benny softly, taking her hands in his, "What's wrong? You can tell me."

Nina gently removed her hands from his grip and Benny's heart sank.

"Nina?"

Nina bit her lower lip, and if Benny didn't know any better it looked like there were tears in her eyes.

"Please talk to me."

"Benny, I..." she sighed, "I can't do this anymore."

"Nina..."

"Benny, please," Nina interrupted, "just let me...just let me say this."

Benny swallowed and put his hands in his pockets, preparing himself for the worst.

"I love... Loved you-"

The change to past tense already made Benny's heart sink further and he grew anxious.

"Benny... We can't keep doing this anymore," Nina sighed.

"It's not that you've done anything wrong," she hurried to add, "please don't think that. It's just...the whole long distance thing. I never see you and it feels like I'm dating a voice over the phone and it's just not enough for me."

"But Nina," Benny sputtered, "in a couple years you'll graduate, you'll come back... It'll be okay."

"But what if I'm not?" asked Nina, "Two years is a long time, Benny. I don't know what I'll be doing. What if I go to grad school? Or get a job? I can't stay in the barrio forever."

"Then I'll find a way to come to you," Benny replied, "please, I don't want us to end like this."

"Benny," said Nina, "I'm sorry. I need to focus on my education right now, that's the most important thing. I need to take advantage of my opportunities."

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek before walking away, leaving Benny stunned by the front door of the Rosario home.

\----------

1995-Summer

Benny took a deep breath, self-consciously straightening his tie as he glanced around the room. It was his first day at his new internship with Grey's Property, a property development company based in Midtown Manhattan. He ignored the little voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Maureen telling him that he was selling out. 

 

He quashed the sound, it didn't matter what Maureen though because this wasn't her choice to make. It was his.

Although he wouldn't deny that she and the rest of his new friends had had some influence on him despite the fact that they'd only known each other for the few months since Benny had left the barrio. Granted, they'd been living together for the entirety of that time so some influence was probably understandable. 

 

A number of things had spurred this change, and getting of the barrio he was able to get away from the life he'd once known. Sure there were some things he missed like crazy, Usnavi's coffee for one. But he had since relocated to the East Village where he could start life anew, and hopefully forget about Nina.

 

So here he was, starting an internship with a real estate company. What did he know about real estate? Next to nothing. But he did have his years of experience multi tasking and keeping track of multiple routes that would make him a good gopher and PA, which was probably where he'd be starting.

"Mr. Coffin?"

Benny turned to see who was addressing him, she was young woman about his age with blonde hair done in a simple bun at the back of her head. She was dressed head to toe in proper business attire.

"Yeah- Yes?" Benny stammered.

"Mr. Grey will see you now."

"Right," Benny said to himself, straightening his tie again. 

"You look great," the woman assured him with a smile, "He's not really all that bad."

 

"No?" Benny raised his brow.

"You'll be fine," she smiled, "come on."

 

"I'm Alison, by the way," she added as she led him further into the office.

"Nice to meet you Alison," Benny smiled, "and you don't need to call me Mr. Coffin... Benny is just fine."

"Benny," Alison repeated, coming to a stop at a wooden office door, "You should come and find me at lunch."

The smile she sent him was obviously flirtatious, but Benny didn't let himself pay too much attention. The break up with Nina was still too fresh.

Benny swallowed and opened the door, Mr. Grey was seated at his desk going over his paperwork.

"Mr. Coffin?" Mr. Grey barely looked up from his documents.

"Yes sir?" Benny shuffled in.

"Please have a seat," Mr. Grey instructed, affixing his signature to one of the papers in front of him, "and we'll discuss your role here.”

\----------

1996-Autumn

The tuxedo fit perfectly, of course. Mr. Grey had insisted that Benny use his personal tailor because everything needed to be perfect for his little girl's big day.

The ceremony and party had been planned down to the minute and everything had gone off without a hitch. Benny smiled and greeted all the guests, after all most were part of his new family.

The Grey family was large and sprawling and had taken up the majority of the pews of the church on both sides of the aisle. Benny's friends had squeezed themselves into a single pew: Maureen with disapproval at his "betraying the bohemian ideal" warring with her more emotional side, Mark filming much of the ceremony, Roger still withdrawn and introspective from the fairly recent death of his girlfriend, Collins giving an easy grin. All people from his newer life. The absences of Usnavi, Vanessa, and Sonny was acutely felt. Felt by Benny, in any case.

Not that he hadn't tried, he'd sent invites but had received no response, which had shocked him. He'd desperately hoped to at least hear from Usnavi.

The long greeting line was coming to an end and Benny was glad. It was getting difficult to hold such a wide grin. Not that he wasn't happy, not that he didn't love Alison, but there would always be a part of his heart that would be missing from this marriage.

Benny knew that he would never feel the same way about Alison as he felt about Nina, not the Alison wasn't special... But she wasn't Nina.

\----------

1996-Early Autumn

He'd seen her on his previous visits to the Cat Scratch Club and every time he saw her dance it took his breath away. Her face looked so open and free as she moved to the beat of the music.

She'd looked so familiar, a memory of a time long past and perhaps that was why he was so drawn to her.

He wanted to speak to her. He had to speak to her. He had to see if that spark was a front or if it came from her heart. It took several visits before Benny was able to steel himself enough to be down in the front row so that he could see her close range and several more visits before he could bring himself to wait for her at the backstage exit.

And there she was, lighting up a cigarette and pulling her coat in close around herself.

"Excuse me," he called out. 

She turned and his breath caught again. She was beautiful, wavy hair tousled from her time on stage, wide doe eyes, plump lips that pulled out into a smile when she saw him. 

"Hello," she greeted.

"Hi," Benny waved.

"What do you want?" she asked, her brow furrowed.

"J-just to talk," Benny replied, "name's Benny."

"Mimi," she offered him a smile.

Benny was at a loss of what else to say and he tugged at his jacket sleeves. 

"I've seen you," Mimi said gently, "out in the crowd."

"I'm sorry, it must seem creepy," Benny winced, "me waiting for you, trying to find you here."

"I think it's sweet," said Mimi, "Most of the guys who come here, they don't see us as real people, just something to be ogled at and then ignored."

"I'm not that kind of guy," Benny spoke up.

Mimi giggled, "I can see that."

Benny smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Wanna walk me home?" Mimi asked.

"It would be my pleasure," Benny said, offering her his arm. 

Mimi giggled again and hooked her elbow through his.

\----------

1996-24 December

If Benny had his way, he wouldn't be here; he didn't want to be here, but Mr. Grey had insisted. Benny just knew that something bad was going to happen, he could feel it.

He stood nervously at the edge of the space scanning the crowd as Maureen did her thing. He inhaled as his eyes swept back when he spotted a familiar face. 

Now this wasn't Roger, Mark and Collins, he'd spotted them earlier...

"Sonny..." Benny muttered.

It had been some time since he'd seen Usnavi's cousin, but Benny would recognize him anywhere. He was watching Maureen with an enraptured expression on his face, completely drawn into what Maureen was saying.

"Then a little bulldog entered, His name we have learned was Benny," Maureen pointed directly at him.

Suddenly hundreds of eyes turned to look at him, paired with booing and hissing, one of those pairs of eyes belonged to Sonny.

The look of shock and disgust on Sonny's face when their eyes met sent a shock to Benny's heart. He remembered a time when Sonny would tag around with him and Usnavi because he idolized them, it was clear now just how much he hated him.

That hurt more than anything else, seeing that look on Sonny's face. It was all he could see as the performance piece continued, only snapping out of his daze when he was jostled by the police as they streamed in.

"Sonny!" Benny shouted, he couldn't let anything happen to him, he wanted to keep Sonny safe. If Usnavi ever found out that Benny stood by while Sonny got hurt he was certain he would never be forgiven.

The lot was in pure pandemonium, protesters and police alike raising their voices in a cacophony of noise. Sonny was short and Benny quickly lost him in the crowd. 

"Sonny!" he called again.

He lost sight of him but Benny kept hollering louder and louder, he was about to break away from Mr. Grey when he felt a tug on his coat.

"Come along, Mr. Coffin," Mr. Grey murmured, "The police will handle this."

Benny opened his mouth to argue, but it was obvious that Mr. Grey was having none of it.

Later that night he ducked out and went to the station where most of the protesters were in holding, he was certain that Sonny was there and he was going to get him out of there.

The cells were full, people of all genders, races, and ages sitting sullenly on benches and leaning against the bars. It wasn't close to all the people who had been at the protest, Benny had seen a whole group of them back at the Life Café after all, but it was a fair amount and a good number of them were in less than pristine condition. Benny seethed at the sheer number of black eyes and split lips.

Walking further down he spotted Sonny, he felt a knot develop in his stomach as he saw how roughed up he was. 

"Sonny!" Benny called out.

The younger man turned, his eyes bright, but his expression shuttered when he saw who it was. Still, Sonny reluctantly made his way to the front of the cell so that he and Benny were face to face with only a few bars separating them. 

 

"What do you want?" Sonny asked coldly.

 

"To help," Benny said, "I can pay your bail."

"Are you going to pay everyone's bail?" Sonny spat out, "because if you're not then I don't want your charity."

 

"But Sonny-" 

"Go away," Sonny brushed him off, "I'll do my time in peace thank you."

 

"Sonny I-" the words died in Benny's mouth. Sonny had always been stubborn and hard headed.

"Just go," Sonny spoke firmly.

Benny did just that, he turned around and left the police station knowing he'd let Sonny down, and most likely Usnavi as well.

 

\----------

1997-Late October

"I wish we weren't all here today to say goodbye."

Benny sat there in the pew with Mimi while he listened to Angel's sister speak. 

"I wish things had been different, that Angel hadn't felt like she needed to run away, but she always had our abuela to come home to-"

Benny followed Angel's sister's gave to an older woman who sat there dabbing the tears from her eyes. The sight stirred up a large array of memories.

 

He hadn't been as close to Abuela Claudia as Usnavi and Sonny and even Vanessa had been, but she was always a constant presence in the barrio for as long as Benny had lived there.

He knew that they could always count on her to have glasses of cold lemonade for them to drink after a long day of playing outside. There was never a night when she didn't offer to let Benny stay for dinner or even spend the night. She had been the matriarch of their block, immovable. And then just like that she was gone. He could still remember Kevin's voice over the dispatch radio.

 

Benny shook his head back into reality, he remembered what happened when Abulela died, Usnavi had been distraught. They weren't able to do much but the whole block banded together to remember her memory. Benny felt compelled to do something, anything to make sure Angel was treated with the respect she deserved.

Benny should've guessed that they could count on Maureen to make a scene even at such a somber occasion.

And on top of it everyone else seemed to be mad with each other, both Roger and Mimi had taken off it separate directions. Mark just stood there looking confused and defeated.

It was then that the priest began to walk towards Collins. Of course, there was the financial aspect of this.

It would have been bad enough to deal with the issue of payment if it wasn't for the derision in the priest's voice when he asked for it. 

"A moment," Collins said, his voice nearly cracking with emotion, "not even a moment to grieve."

"Mr. Collins," the priest began sourly and Benny couldn't stand it. He saw Angel's sister and grandmother nearby, saw the tears in their eyes and thought of Abuela Claudia. 

"How much," he said, pulling out his checkbook. 

"Benny, don't," protested Collins weakly. 

 

"Let me," Benny insisted and turned to the priest, "how much?" he repeated.

Once that was all taken care of, Benny put a friendly hand on Collins' elbow to guide him towards the road. He could see Roger and Mimi having some kind of discussion, Mark standing by looking helpless, but it was important to take care of Collins first. He hailed a cab and slipped the driver some cash before giving Collins' address. 

"You need anything, you talk to me," Benny said. 

 

Collins quietly nodded his head and got into the taxi closing the door. Then he was gone.

Benny sighed and slowly made his way towards the others just as Roger stormed off angrily. 

 

Benny made his way over to Mimi, who was standing with her arms wrapped around herself with Mark hovering nearby, alternating between watching Mimi warily and looking off in the direction Roger had left. 

Benny placed a gentle hand on Mimi's shoulder, but she flinched back. 

"Don't," she said requested, shivering in a way that had nothing to do with the cold. 

 

"Mimi, I just want to help," Benny replied in the most reassuring voice he could muster.

It was then that Mimi broke down and leaned into him, "I'm scared."

"I know a place," Mark spoke up, "a clinic."

Benny started to do the math in his head. 

 

"Maybe," Mimi said, half-pleading, "could you...?"

"Of course," Benny replied instantly. Between the funeral and the rehab, he would have to come up with a convincing story to tell Alison about the sudden hole in their savings. But it was worth it. Worth it to help Collins. To help Mimi.

\----------

1997-Early December

"Who is she?"

The question stopped Benny in his tracks. He had literally just walked into their penthouse, his hand on his tie to loosen it and the front door not even shut. Alison's usually open face was pinched, her eyebrows furrowed and a frown on her lips.

"I..." Benny furrowed his brow confused.

Alison approached him with their latest bank statement in her hand, "I want to know, who is she?" she repeated, "And don't you dare lie to me."

 

"Ali," Benny tried.

"I swear," Alison said, anger in apparent in her voice, "if you deny this I won't be responsible for my actions. I know you've been paying for some whore," she spat out, "When I noticed the money, I got a PI."

"You had me followed?" Benny asked incredulously. 

"Don't act like you're the hurt party here," commanded Alison.

"Ali..." Benny stopped knowing that whatever he said next he would most likely regret.

"How could you?" Alison's voice shook, "did our vows mean nothing to you?"

"It's not what you think..." Benny spoke quietly.

"Not what I think," Alison snorted, "then what, pray tell, is it?"

"She needed help," explained Benny, somehow knowing that whatever he said it probably wouldn't help, but he swallowed and said it anyway, "with rehab."

"Rehab," repeated Alison, "And how is she paying you back for this rehab? Conjugal visits?"

"Alison, no," insisted Benny, "I never cheated on you." Not physically, anyway. "She...she has HIV, Ali."

Alison's eyes went wide, "Oh my god, you... Please tell me you didn't sleep with her-"

"Ali!" Benny exclaimed, "No, it's not like that."

"Stop it Benny," Alison shook her head, "just stop."

Benny obeyed, his mouth snapping closed as he looked away. 

"I don't care what kind of...relationship or sugar daddy thing you have going on with this girl, but it stops here and now," Alison said firmly.

"But-"

"No Benny," Alison snapped, "no excuses."

It was then Benny had to make his choice, his wife or Mimi. The choice should be obvious, but it hurt. Mimi needed him now more than ever, but he had to make a choice.

"Okay," he said, hoping that the resignation in his voice wasn't as obvious as it felt, "No more."

\----------

1998-February

It was almost amazing how much the barrio hadn't changed in the time he'd been away, Benny mused to himself as he walked down familiar streets with his hands in his pockets.

Sure some signs had changed and there had been some redevelopment done, but for the first time he truly felt like he was home. 

Not once since he'd gotten married did Benny return, he regretted that now, but there was no way that he could turn back the clock. Walking down the street he turned the corner and headed in the direction of the bodega he knew and loved.

In this case nothing had really changed at all, the bodega looked exactly the same. Benny smiled, he hoped to see Usnavi there, get a cup of coffee see if it could be like the old days.

After only a single step through the door, Benny could see that would not be the case. Rather than Usnavi, it was Sonny leaning back in the chair behind the register. 

"Hey what can I get you-" Sonny stopped mid-sentence when he spotted Benny, "what are you doing here?"

"Coffee," Benny said after a moment, "con leche."

Sonny's eyes flicked over Benny's face. He seemed to be searching for something and approved of whatever he saw because he nodded and took out a cup.

 

Benny sighed as Sonny filled the cup, the smell hit him immediately and his stress began to melt away. "Where's Usnavi?" he asked.

 

"You don't know?" Sonny asked, actually sounding surprised. 

"I haven't..." Benny frowned and looked away, clearing his throat, "We lost contact."

"Damn man," Sonny shook his head, "he took off for DR with Vanessa ages ago."

Benny blinked in shock, "He actually did it?"

"It took some time for him to convince Vanessa," Sonny said with a small chuckle, "She was so set in never going back to that island. But you know Usnavi, he could convince a priest to break Lent."

 

Benny smiled, "So do you hear from him? What are they up to?"

"Of course I hear from them," said Sonny, putting the finishing touches on Benny's drink, "They've got a baby on the way. I could...give you their number. If you want."

If that wasn't forgiveness, Benny didn't know what was. 

"I'd like that," Benny said.

Sonny tore off some receipt tape and scribbled down Usnavi's phone number and address. "The next time we talk I want him to be so happy you called he's talking non-stop for five minutes straight."

Benny laughed, "I think I can manage that."

 

"What about you, man?" Sonny asked, leaning against the counter. 

"My marriage is falling apart," sighed Benny. 

"Dude," said Sonny, eyes wide, "ease into it, why don't you."

"It's the truth," Benny sipped his coffee, "there is no way around it."

"Ouch," Sonny sighed, "sorry to hear that."

Benny hummed in agreement. He hesitated on a brief moment before he continued on. 

"It's my fault, really. I never really got over Nina. Don't get me wrong," Benny added, "I love my wife, but..." He sighed.

"You love Nina more," Sonny supplied.

"Yeah," Benny sighed, "so since you seem to be the go to person around here, can you tell me what happened to Nina Rosario?"

"Teaching," Sonny replied, "She got a job teaching statistics at UCLA while she works on her PhD."

Benny couldn't help but smile. 

"She got engaged the other day," Sonny added gently, causing Benny's smile to fall. He cleared his throat before continuing apologetically, "Mr. Rosario was going around telling people yesterday."

"Oh," Benny sighed again, but really what else had he expected? They had broken up years ago.

"You should drop by again," Sonny said after a long silence, "I got a girlfriend now, cooks up some mean tamales."

Benny's heart surged and he gave Sonny a smile. 

"I'd like that."

"Don't stay away so long," Sonny smiled.

"I'll try," Benny nodded.

\----------

1999-January

Benny sighed his name on the dotted line, and just like that, it was over. He and Alison were no longer married, he had to admit it felt as if there was a weight being lifted off his shoulders.

And while he lost close to everything in the process he realized that he didn't regret it. The money was not worth the unhappiness it caused him.

Nearly a year of arguments and discussions, raised voices and petty words thrown from both sides while Benny slowly watched the agreement move from an equal split to one so heavily weighted in Alison's favor that it was nearly laughable.

Still it was something, enough that if he handled it smartly he would be okay. He had been here before, he was still better off than where he started.

"Goodbye Benny," Alison spoke up stiffly, the hurt still very apparent in her eyes.

"Goodbye Alison," Benny replied.

Alison let out a huff as she turned on her heel and exited the judge's chambers. Benny gave one last look at the finalized documents before leaving as well, he figured today might be a good day to take Sonny up on his offer, he really could use something that resembled family right about now.

Sticking his hands in his pockets he exited the courthouse and started to make his way towards Washington Heights.

It was remarkably freeing to be divorced, like a weight had been lifted off his chest. The last few months in particular he had felt the looming presence of Alison and Mr. Grey constantly over his head like a heavy cloud, but now that every was over and that cloud had stopped simply threatening and was now raining it felt refreshing. Benny immediately felt guilty for feeling so good about things. He had never set out to hurt her, but he know that this had been a painful process for Alison. 

And the fact is he was now very unemployed so it would be best for him to start thinking about what exactly he planned to do next.

 

The relief he felt was slowly dissipating, his shoulders dropping and the heavy feeling returning. He couldn't even go to his friends for help. Joanne and Maureen had their own issues to deal with, Collins had swanned off again, and Mark, Roger, and Mimi were still upset with him about the fact that he had stopped paying for the rehab before Mimi was ready to leave the clinic.

 

In short, he was a mess. And there was no point in denying that it was all his fault, or at least that was how it felt.

It was with that despondency that Benny made his way to the bodega, nearly running into somebody in the process. 

"Sorry," he said absently. 

"Benny? Benny Coffin."

Benny looked up and found Kevin Rosario smiling at him.

Benny blinked a few times to make sure this was actually happening, "Mr. Rosario?"

"It's been a long time," Kevin said, "Are you making it big in the city?"

Benny let out a small, humorless laugh. He was still wearing one of the bespoke suits Mr. Grey had gotten him, so it must look like he was successful. 

"Not anymore," Benny replied. 

Me. Rosario could obviously sense that Benny didn't want to talk about it because he simply nodded.

"You should come for dinner," Mr. Rosario decided, "Cami would love to see you."

"I don't know," Benny stuttered. He remembered the last time he'd been to dinner at the Rosarios, the fact that he and Nina had still been together at the time. 

"That wasn't a question," Mr. Rosario informed him.

"Yes sir," Benny nodded, once again he felt like he was back in high school when he'd first started working for Kevin.

\----------

2002-April

At this point, Benny was conditioned to react to the waving of a hand from the sidewalk and he smoothly pulled his taxi cab over to the curb, flipping the light to show that he had been hired. 

He'd been driving cabs for the past few years, for the man Mr. Rosario had sold the dispatch to back when Benny had still been in the heights. It felt a bit like coming full circle, returning to the first job he'd ever had, but it was nice.

His plan was to one day be able to buy the dispatch back for Kevin, he was in no shape to do that now but one day he would be.

"Where to?" Benny asked his latest customer. He rather liked driving a cab, seeing the city and meeting interesting, if often rude, people. 

"Avenue B and...hold on, Benny?"

Benny glanced in his mirror and found Joanne looking back at him.

"Joanne?" He blinked.

Joanne leaned forward, "What are you doing driving a cab?”

"Making a living," Benny replied with a light chuckle. 

"But Alison," said Joanne. 

"Divorce. About three years ago now."

"Wow..." Joanne replied.

"Just going back to my roots," Benny chuckled, it was then he realized how little Joanne and the others knew about his life in Washington Heights.

"What about you and Maureen?" Benny asked once they had gotten back on the road. 

"Still going strong," replied Joanne, "We've got Collins staying with us right now until after the funeral."

Benny was glad that they were currently at a stoplight because his foot reflexively pressed down on the pedal. 

"Funeral?" Benny asked.

"Yeah..." Joanne hesitated, "Oh my god, you don't know."

Benny shook his head, "Joanne what's going on?"

 

"Mimi got pretty sick a while back," Joanne said softly, "She died and Roger sort of fell apart and stopped taking care of himself. Mark tried, but you remember how stubborn Roger could be. It finally caught up with him a couple weeks ago. The funeral is the day after tomorrow."

 

Benny felt tears spring to his eyes, Mimi and Roger were gone. 

"Maybe you should go?" Joanne suggested.

Benny pressed the gas and shook his head, "They don't want to see me."

"Benny," said Joanne gently, "of course they do. We may not have always seen eye to eye, but you were their friend."

 

Benny sighed, Joanne always had been a voice of reason.

"Please?"

And so a couple days later Benny found himself doing up the tie of his suit-not the bespoke one, it held too many memories for him to continue wearing it-and preparing for a funeral.

For a moment he stood awkwardly off to the side when Mark and Collins noticed him and urged him to join them.

"Glad you came," Collins gave him a small smile.

"I, uh," Benny swallowed, "I'm sorry for everything I did. And everything I didn't do."

Collins squeezed his shoulder, "It's all in the past, "you're here now."

"Thank you," Benny muttered.

Mark gave him a small smile, although it was obvious that he was overwhelmed with this whole affair. Roger had been his best friend, after all. Joanne pecked him on the cheek and Maureen held nothing back, throwing her arms around him in a crushing hug.

Benny immediately felt welcomed, he regretted everything he'd done but he figured if he could make it right with Kevin and Sonny, then he could do the same here.

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on Chris Jackson as Benny, not Taye Diggs, just a heads up.


End file.
